I don’t remember where I was but traveling the road with Mark, my husband. He wanted to get a new window cling at the exchange because, his words, he worked so hard for his stripes. Granted, he served 23.5 years in the US Marines. He did work hard for them.
I immediately thought of my true spouse, Our Lord Jesus Christ. The “Bridegroom”. How He had earned His “stripes” through a scourging. It just didn’t equal and never can.
After Mass this morning, I took Sister Soledad to Home Depot and then to Rite Aid. My husband took our girls to the Padres game and gave me the day to think. I took a ride to an old fishing hole. It used to be a water reclamation area now turned into a recreation park, with 7 lakes. I packed my Shakespeare rod, purchased some worms and took my packed lunch. Turkey & cheese on pita bread. I walked to a picnic bench and sat down next to the water. There was a mommy duck with 9 brand new baby’s. Something told me to buy duck food while I was at the bait shop and I did. The mommy & baby’s were fed well with the cracked corn.
I prayed to our LORD Jesus Christ deeply.
I sat for a moment watching the beauty of God’s creation, eating my lunch and praying. As I looked around I noticed the park I had known for some time, had changed. The islands in the middle of the lake that used to be tropical were cut down. The palms were replaced with new trees. Almost sanitized and dry. On the bank of one of the islands, was a turtle that seems to be waving his flipper.
I prayed more intently and a flock of ducks came out of the water. Quacking up a storm. I heard that voice in my heart say, feed my ducks. I shared my lunch with some of them, then took a little walk. I walked to the bank and I took the worms I had purchased and tossed them into the water. Just before I did, I seen a big fish. I never tossed a line in, just the worms. Then I walked back to my car, packed it up and went to see our LORD in adoration.
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
X + P = ❤
“Then Jesus said to them, ‘Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers that they must leave for Galilee; they will see me there.”
Ever ponder what it must have been like to SEE our LORD risen with the women and the apostles? Notice how it always takes them a few moments to pick up on “Who” they are seeing? The TRUE followers, the LOVES know their LORD. He opens their eyes to see Him because the EYES are the gateway to the SOUL. They know Him and He knows them. You can see it in the eyes. This is how I am able to “See” Him today. Its possessing a sense unlike any other. But it is not just a sensation that they can see Him. He is truly there.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me” John 10:14
EDIT TO ADD:
I just returned from this BEAUTIFUL Easter Monday Mass. A better way to put what I had stated above is in this way:
Every time our LORD fell on the road to Calvary, He fell in LOVE.
The way His “Sheep” know Him is like taking a page from “The Princess and the Pea”. She could not sleep, because something as small as a pea, distracted her. She didn’t know what it was, but knew it was there to keep her awake.
Thank you LORD Jesus Christ, for all the “flowers”
“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.”
Beauty From Pain
“Follow Me”
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
Its an order, not a suggestion for salvation. Pick up your cross and follow Him. He is the road map to salvation. He is the road. He is the way and the truth and the light. He is Jesus Christ. He is the only way to the Father. He is life.
In order to defeat evil, Christ shows us the way. The battle of good VS evil is a “Civil War” of good & evil in each individual soul that needs to be won for the common good of all humanity and can be because of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is a “Civil War” in each soul that makes itself known in our actions towards one another. If you love sin and the evil inside how can you love one another as He so loves us? The battle is raging inside and is need of attention because its spilling onto the streets of society.
The war is not with your “neighbor” but yourself.
“At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split.” Matthew 27:51
Since I could not attend adoration yesterday morning, I found myself in the prayer labyrinth. Before I started my prayer walk, I went over to the grotto where our statue of Bernette is with Our Lady of Lourdes. I prayed to her and told her I had fallen madly in love with her Son. We ended up having a very long conversation. I smiled and walked to where the start of the labyrinth was and on my way, I found blessed palms laying on the ground. They were intertwined with one another and someone spent time to do so. I picked them up as I could never leave them just laying on the ground. They were with me my entire journey. As I got to the center of the labyrinth, I knelt down and began to pray. As I did, I noticed another blessed palm, tucked into one of the lamps, out of normal sight. I left it there and finished my prayers.
While attending the Mass of the Lords Supper, I remembered the blessed palm that needed help. I was filled with an overwhelming desire to not leave that palm behind in the elements. It had been blessed and did not belong anywhere but in a place of honor.
After mass & a brief adoration, I walked outside and it was quite dark. There were many people around as mass had just concluded. Some watched as I walked to the center of the labyrinth which was unlit. I knelt down and felt around under the lamp in which I had seen the palm. I could not see but managed to take hold of it and was so happy I had found it. I couldn’t help but look up to the sky and smile as I said, “Like a thief in the night”. No one knew what I was doing and how important it was for me not to leave that palm behind. Like the Chrism used at baptism, that leaves the mark of the LORD on each soul indefinitely, identifying us as His, was the way I seen this palm. It had become lost and belonged to our Lord. That drive I had in me to get it, is the same drive our Lord has to go get His souls when they become lost. Or, “No soul left behind”.
Mark 13:2 “And Jesus answering said unto him, Seest thou these great buildings? there shall not be left one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.”
“turn your ear to me, make haste. Be for me a rock-fastness, a fortified citadel to save me.”
As I attended Mass this morning, I quickly discovered, today would be the last day until Sunday to See my Lord in Adoration. All the Eucharist were distributed at the end of Mass and I was blessed to receive Him four times! Although my cup runneth over, I can not run to Him for He is not there…. It was the kiss good by but not forever. Until the day of Glory is at hand… after the passion. I just returned from mass, and I already miss Him.
I just broke into tears because I read something that I have been going through since 1998. I have NEVER been able to place it into this paragraph that has capture the essence of it all.
From the article: All Sin Is Disgusting
“If you want a truly Lenten experience, then pray earnestly that the Holy Spirit will reveal to you the damage that your sins have done. And then hold onto your butts, because it’s going to be a horrible ride. Don’t forget to pray for hope and healing at the same time, nothing hurts more than looking your own guilt in the face.”
It is a horrible ride. A very SLOW walk through purgatory. The ONLY THING that has kept my sanity throughout my entire experience is KNOWING it is REAL and so builds my faith and LOVE for Christ and I can only hold onto the mercy of God and pray continually.
Every second I am alive is spent in constant repentance leaving self behind, thinking only of others.
EDIT TO ADD:
It truly is: “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” A blessing in disguise
At least while I am here, I get reprieve! I can SEE His grace at work. I can see it in the Church! I can see Him in EVERYTHING! When the reprieves come, its a beautiful peace. Its a constant ride that doesn’t end until He says “It is finished”.
From the agony in the Garden: “”My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34
I am overwhelmed by the thought of our Holy Mother, not only at the foot of her Son’s cross, but knowing about the scourging taking place. Seeing Him carry that heavy cross. Knowing He was on the route to death, before the revelation of the Glory.
My God, did I do this to my son, simply by saying yes.
I assume she could not know of the events, even being asked beforehand by the Archangel Gabriel, until seconds after they were taking place. As she kept everything in her heart. I can only see the burden of her yes, resting so heavenly on her Immaculate heart, that it could only want to break.
Sister Lisa has a WONDERFUL post over at her blog, that should be read and pondered. Passion of Christ and Mary’s Role
Oh to only be a palm fron that day Our Lord entered Jerusalem, placed at His feet, comforting His entry..
“When they drew near Jerusalem and came to Bethphage on the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, “Go into the village opposite you, and immediately you will find an ass tethered, and a colt with her. 3 Untie them and bring them here to me. And if anyone should say anything to you, reply, ‘The master has need of them.’ Then he will send them at once.”
This happened so that what had been spoken through the prophet might be fulfilled:
“Say to daughter Zion, ‘Behold, your king comes to you, meek and riding on an ass, and on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.’” The disciples went and did as Jesus had ordered them. They brought the ass and the colt and laid their cloaks over them, and he sat upon them. The very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and strewed them on the road.
The crowds preceding him and those following kept crying out and saying: “Hosanna to the Son of David; blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord; hosanna in the highest.” And when he entered Jerusalem the whole city was shaken 8 and asked, “Who is this?”
And the crowds replied, “This is Jesus the prophet, from Nazareth in Galilee.” Matt 21 1-11
“Yahweh is my rock and my fortress, my deliverer is my God. I take refuge in him, my rock, my shield, my saving strength, my stronghold, my place of refuge” Psalms – Chapter 18 2
I no longer exist. The “Me” I used to be, is dead. I can only live through Christ. Everything I do is for our Lord. One Love, one sacrifice, one Glory all His. The pains I experience throughout my life are now nothing. His sacrifice is everything. He is my all. He is my Lord Jesus Christ.
My soul is so entangled with the True Vine, there is no escape from the love I have been consumed by. He chokes out all evil and the soul becomes captivated to only Him. All the love I can give is trumped by His love. Through His love for each soul, a new universe is created for each. When this happens, the explosion of the senses is overwhelming that no words exist to describe it. The interior of my being is all consumed by Him. The solitude on the outside can only be what our Lord also experienced in the garden of Gethsemane, and through His life as man. Knowing full, our existence here in physical body is terminal for now but our soul is His for eternity, to be united to His becoming one body. The beauty and fullness is one that I can only shout from the rooftops and hope the world opens up to Him and tosses away the physical and holds on tight to the true spiritual nature of Our King.
I wait and work in this world, in this body for Him. Every time you empty yourself and hand him all the LOVE you can find, He returns with ten times more to you that can not be matched. It is not based on just “Believing” but rather FACT He is King of Glory. My place of refuge is in my RISEN LORD.
I apologize but I can not hold back today, the LOVE I have for my LORD.
“He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.” Matthew 28:6
Our Lords message today is, I LOVE YOU. The same message He has been trying to tell us all, forever.
The pain a soul feels after having an abortion is endless. No amount of suffering a woman can feel by HAVING a child under any circumstance, can ever compare to the pain she has after taking the life of her own child. Evey relationship with every person she comes in contact with after making the decision to have one, is compromised. The emotional and psychological problems are enormous and burdensome and to add it to the cross she already carry’s is a tremendous amount of weight, most times then not, just to heavy to carry alone. Everything in the woman’s life in this world after having an abortion, reminds her of the day she took her own child’s life. The pain NEVER goes away. How do I know? I fell for the empty rhetoric at one time in my life, that the baby growing inside of me, was not human.
In March of 1993, while having an affair with a married man fifteen years older then myself, for already two years, I found out I was pregnant. I was already a single mom with a six year old daughter from a marriage that should have never taken place, struggling to make ends meet. No one knew I was having this affair and I was all alone. What I thought was “Love” I had felt for this man, was anything but love as I can see so clearly now. I sat him down and told him I was pregnant. His response was he wasn’t about to leave his wife. They had been married for over twenty years and he couldn’t do that to her. Rather then go with my motherly INSTINCT to protect this beautiful life of the child growing inside of me, I told him that I would see my doctor and discuss abortion.
The day I met with my doctor, the same doctor that had delivered me, he confirmed I was pregnant and only about four to five weeks along. I told him the situation and that I was considering abortion. He said ok and left me sitting on the examination table as he walked out of the room. As I sat there on the examination table, I heard that voice in my heart. DON’T DO THIS! This is not you! And I changed my mind. I couldn’t go through with this horrific thing I was thinking about doing. It was done! I was going to have this child and all the pain and suffering I would have to endure bringing another child into this world even without the funds to do so. It was time to face the music of the life I was leading.
The nurse came into the examination room and told me to roll up my sleeve. I did and she jabbed me with a needle. I asked her what she had just given me and she said it was “Vitamins”. I then told her after, I changed my mind and I was going to be going through with the pregnancy. Her very stern and angry face melted into one of horror. I quickly learned, it was not vitamins she gave me, but a shot to kill the baby and cause a miscarriage. I NEVER knew having an abortion was just one shot away. I always thought it was a serious medical procedure that would take time to think about because it would have to be planned out ahead of time. It wasn’t. It was all contained in that shot the nurse had already given me, after I had changed my mind. My stupidity, led to the murder of my child, at my hands. My lack of understanding the SERIOUSNESS of the situation all came to light.
She left the room and my doctor came back in. He held my hands and said it was to late and that it was in God’s hands now. I ended up losing the baby two days later. Alone, at home, without anyone knowing the pain I was going through. Nor the pain this little innocent life felt. It was official. I committed murder.
Not a day has passed that I don’t think about my “little soul” in heaven. I am constantly reminded about this little one every time I see children, pregnant women, birthday party’s and even still now, in my own children. During the time of this event in my life, I tried to block it out as much as I could. In doing so, the relationship I had with my daughter faltered because I could not bare to look at her and NOT see the child who I took out of this world. The psychological and emotional effects took their toll. How could anyone want me now, knowing what I had done? How could I explain to my daughter that she could have had a baby brother or sister but I murdered the baby. The effects of abortion on the soul of the woman who has had one, is a pain she will carry with her through her entire life. The baby just doesn’t “Go Away” and the woman is NOT left to continue on in her life. The baby goes away and the woman carry’s that event forever. Nothing can change the facts.
As many years that have passed, I always think about how old my child would be now. What they would have looked like. Who’s life they would have influenced. My child would be entering college this year. Just this past Christmas, my five year old daughter gave me a present that shook my soul. It was an innocent gift she had made in school for me. Her teacher had drawn her arms and hands and glued them onto a heart. The little hands were my five year-olds hands, imprinted in red tempera paint. When I opened the gift, I burst into tears and hugged her so tight. I couldn’t stop crying. Seeing the little red hands reminded me of the little one I have in heaven and what I had done. You see, the pain never does go away.
In my conversion of heart, coming back to the Catholic Church, just confessing this grave sin eased the burden I carry. It is a forgivable act and through repentance and working WITH the graces our Lord STILL pours on the soul, it becomes lighter to carry when you know Our Lord STILL loves us. I didn’t have the counseling made available now to help women who have had abortions. At the time, the evil one had me believing I was damned to hell because of this act. I only know now, that is NOT true! Rachel’s Vineyard is one such organization that WILL HELP you! You do not have to suffer alone.
Never NEVER let anyone tell you that baby inside of you is just a blob of tissue. What they don’t tell you is how the loss of that “Blob” at your own hands, causes a woman so much pain and so much emotional damage, not to mention the damage done to the body. If my child was just as they say, I wouldn’t have this weight on my soul. Obviously its more then just a blob. The consequences of taking that “Blob” last a lifetime. Get INFORMED! And then inform everyone. Abortion is just a sanitized name for murder.
No matter when the pregnancy ends, conception is the beginning of motherhood.
With the call for “New Evangelization” we all must take a few steps back, and not to place the soul being used to speak the message, above the true “Messenger” Never forget:
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; Do not have any other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.” Exodus 20:2-6
In light of the new scandal or charges being brought against Father Corapi, we have to take into account that many more scandals will come to light for any other soul on the path to fullness in Christ. It is very easy to be tempted into vainglory when we are faced in today’s world with spreading the message of God. I’m not here to condemn or judge or choose sides in the matter or any that will arise. What I do want to point out is that with the new media, we all have to make sure we do not “Idolize” the presenter of God’s message, but rather KNOW God who allows the soul to bring His message. If we idolize the earthly messenger, we have to understand that we are not giving our full attention to God. Many times we do this every day and when the messenger falls, we to fall with him rather then holding on to God who is the true Messenger, through the work of His Son, to the Holy Spirit which brings the message through the actions of each of us.
Matthew 22:36-39
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
Luke 12:34 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Since moving to San Diego in 2002, and being able to blossom in my faith, now planted, rather then being kept as a bulb in a bag, waiting for my chance to grow, my faith in Christ has taken over my entire life. Growing is a very slow processes and we don’t always see the daily effects until after the flower has opened to view its beauty. When we do take the time, we learn how to cultivate it. Nurture it and prolong the growing for a bigger and richer harvest.
Last summer, I was grocery shopping and came across cut bunches of peony’s. They were so beautiful and I was taken back to my childhood, in my mothers garden and then again in my grandmothers garden back in the Midwest. Peony’s don’t grow where I live now so seeing them was such a delight that I HAD to have a couple of bunches. They were not cheep. I wanted them. The scent of them was so wonderful! I placed them in the cart and finished shopping. As I began to load the groceries into the car, I was overcome with the thought that I had to go to Adoration and pray before going home.
I finished loading up the truck and headed down the street, passing the turn for my home and headed straight to church. As I pulled into the lot, I didn’t want to go empty handed. The peony’s I had purchased, were right next to me. I smiled, thinking they ALL need to be here, and began to open the two bags containing the bunches, gathered each of them all up and brought them with me into Adoration for our Lord.
I placed them into a vase that was already in the room, in front of our Lord and smiled, knowing full well, He wanted me there and I came. I prayed only for a few moments, kissed the tabernacle and left our Lord with SO much peace. I couldn’t hold back my smile. As I was walking back to my truck, I thought of how I didn’t need the flowers. I needed that time with Him and was so grateful for it because nothing can fill that void in your soul, but Him. Not flowers, money, beauty nothing! With Him, you have everything. You only need Him.
I climbed back into my truck, smiling and at peace, and looked down to find laying across the seat, just one peony. I was moved to tears. I thanked our Lord for giving me one. It took my breath away. I cried the whole way home. I placed that one peony in a tiny vase and it brought me more joy then a thousand of them and still does to this very day.
“Make your fold with the sheep; flee from the wolves: depart not from the Church,”
St. Cyril of Jerusalem, pray for us. Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us all. Amen
St. Cyril’s teaching about the Blessed Sacrament is of the first importance, for he was speaking freely, untrammelled by the “discipline of the secret”. On the Real Presence he is unambiguous: “Since He Himself has declared and said of the bread: This is My Body, who shall dare to doubt any more? And when He asserts and says: This is My Blood, who shall ever hesitate and say it is not His Blood?” Of the Transformation, he argues, if Christ could change water into wine, can He not change wine into His own Blood? The bread and wine are symbols: “In the type of bread is given thee the Body, in the type of wine the Blood is given thee”; but they do not remain in their original condition, they have been changed, though the senses cannot tell us this: “Do not think it mere bread and wine, for it is the Body and Blood of Christ, according to the Lord’s declaration”. “Having learned this and being assured of it, that appears to be bread is not bread, though perceived by the taste, but the Body of Christ, and what appears to be wine is not wine, though the taste says so, but the Blood of Christ . . . strengthen thy heart, partaking of it as spiritual (food), and rejoice the face of thy soul”. It is difficult not to see the whole doctrine of Transubstantiation in these explicit words. Confirmation is with blessed chrism: “As the bread of the Eucharist after the invocation of the Holy Ghost is not bread, but the Body of Christ, so this holy myrrh is no longer simple, as one might say, after the invocation, but a gift of Christ and capable by the presence of the Holy Ghost of giving His divinity” (ii, 4).
Taken from New Advent
REPENT!
I often ponder “Repentance”. In my heart, I can see its effects, not as a way I hope to be, but as a way I should be right now.
Rend Your Heart Joel 2:12-13
12 “Even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Great advice on how important it is, not to give up more, but to do more from Rev. James Martin, S.J. Catholic priest and author, The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything.
Bothering to Love: One Priest’s Modest Proposal for Lent
Here are some great quotes I felt needed to be shared today:
“Are you capable of risking your life for someone? Do it for Christ.”~Venerable Pope John Paul II
“My child, I have need of victims, and strong victims, who by their sufferings, tribulations, and difficulties, make amends for sinners and for their ingratitude.” Saint Gemma Galgani, letters
“Love wants to suffer for the Beloved… Love wants to expiate the sins that have so deeply penetrated mankind. Love wants to make up for the lack of love among those who sin. Love wants to relieve the debt of suffering that sinners owe to God. Love wants to give God what sinners are depriving Him of by their sins.” Servant of God Fr. John Hardon
Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross each day, and follow in my steps. Luke 9:23
To change and to change for the better are two different things. – German proverb
Go and learn what the Scriptures mean when they say, `Instead of offering sacrifices to me, I want you to be merciful to others.’ I didn’t come to invite good people to be my followers. I came to invite sinners. – Matthew 9:13
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. – Proverbs 3:7
God’s kindness leads you toward repentance.-Romans 2:4
Confession is the first step to repentance. English Proverb
If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ah! if you only knew the peace there is in an accepted sorrow. – Jeanne de la Motte-Guyton
Originally blogged on 3/5/2011
My devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus began at a very young age, and I didn’t even know it. As a matter of fact, I forgot all about it until the Holy Spirit reminded me about it last fall. It was something I had blocked in my memory because of fear. Fear I had been committing a grave sin at a very young age. By falling in love with Him.
Shortly after my first Holy Communion, I received a picture of the Sacred Heart Of Jesus. I honestly do not remember where the photo came from but I think my great uncle, who was a priest, gave it to me, with a rosary and a marble statue with a metal plaque bearing the image of the Last Supper. He had also celebrated the mass for my communion, during my grandparents fiftieth wedding anniversary. No matter how I received it, I fell in love with His face and kept it for some time. No matter what I was doing during the day, hanging out with my friends in front of the house, or doing stuff around the house, I would go into my bedroom and gaze into His eyes, believing if only in my child sized brain, He was my “Boyfriend”. Like more teens & girls do today, with celebrity’s photos. Then walk back to my friends or what ever and pretend to be what “They” wanted me to be. I wasn’t exactly a “Good Kid”. Most everything in my youth, I repent for now. I call it the added weight to my “Cross” I carry back to our Lord. Not the sins, but the pain I know that I caused Him. Keep in mind, I had only fallen in love with His face, not knowing Him through His word and loving Him for what “I THOUGHT” rather than for what I now know Him to be.
One day, as I was looking into His eyes, when I escaped from the world and I could just see His face, I became overcome by guilt and thought, He is God Peg.. Who are you to call Him a “boyfriend”. So I asked someone. An adult, who told me no. I knew in my heart He was with me. I felt him throughout my entire body. I could hear Him saying in my heart “You are far to young, one day I will come to you”. My stupidity and pride blocked these words leading me on a path that not many return from. I got rid of the picture of the Sacred Heart of our Lord that I had fallen in love with, believing I was not good enough, with much angst and started to become, what the world wanted me to be. I was an angry child after that. Nothing could make me happy. I remember giving the picture to my mother and telling her to keep it, thinking He couldn’t love me. I ran away from Him, like the naked man in the garden, the night before His execution, disobedient to everything, heading into the world, without my “Sheet”. Afraid to stay when He needed me to learn, and grow up in my faith. My love for Him, was not perfect yet. I did not love Him fully.I’m not making excuses, there is no excuse. Only my repenting.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4
I was impatient, I was mean to others, I envied anything and anyone better than me, I boasted and lied to make myself look better and I allowed my pride to get the better of my faith in Him. Worst of all, I did these things, knowing He was still with me. When I did these dreadful things, I could hear Him telling me NO until one day, I could only hear myself, becoming deaf to Our Lord. Thus, moving forward to committing the ugliest mortal sins, that only He can scrub clean from my soul, through my sorrow and repenting. Repenting does not mean to just say your sorry, it means to change your entire way you are living, and live through Him and not just lip service.
Being on the path back to Him, I have found, true love and see that love growing stronger and stronger. An unbreakable Love. Love for everything He is. Love for His word, His forgiveness and His church. Through His church, I can touch, taste, hear and see Him. As that love began to build, slowly I was able to see Him in total strangers. It has been a very slow process, but one in which I am so grateful. It was only this past year, that I discovered again, the photo of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in which I loved as a child and now love with every fiber of my being, fully and maturely, not based on what He “Looks Like”, but how He is.
Edit to add: July 1, 2014
So much has taken place since this post, since the day I walked away from our Lord at that young age to now in how He has done so much to get me back home.. Yesterday, all I could think of was our Lord and how all I wanted to do was attend Holy Mass. I got home from work, and was listening to music, pondering… The time for Mass was getting closer and a song started to play. One I had not heard in many years and never truly listed to the lyrics. I did yesterday. My heart burst when I understood the lyrics and that particular time in my life I had walked away from Him, because I did not know how to love. Bringing me back to yesterday, and how He not only taught me how to Love Him, but to understand He will never leave me.. Keep in mind, you have to read my entire blog to understand how long it has taken to get back home…
I ran all the way “Home”, and the door was open, waiting for me..
This is the song:
The Prophet Elijah Receiving Bread and Water from an Angel
1628 by Peter Paul Rubens
I can not stop, pondering Elijah… Ever since bible class last night. The passage is: Malachi 3. The more I ponder, the more amazed I become.. Good Lord help me to put it into words, if it be your will. Until then, this picture by Peter Paul Rubens (NOT to be confused with Pee Wee Herman) will have to grab your attention as the words I am trying to put on this blog have a LOT to do with it 🙂
“See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”
Not “My Kingdom”. My idea of heaven used to be, spending eternity at a Chicago Cubs game with my entire family, past, present and future, eating hot dogs, drinking and having a grand old time. Of course the Cubs would always win. Harry Carry would be singing take me out to the ball game at the 7th inning stretch, and the Cubs team would be made up of the greatest Chicago Cub players that have ever lived to play the game. I grew up playing baseball and loved the game. I would even sometimes envision myself playing for the Cubs. Funny how I never envisioned Jesus being at this eternal, never ending game of baseball. Nor the Saints, Angels, Holy Mother Mary, or even God the Father.
Taking into account a baseball game has an ending, now my whole idea of spending eternity there, is not so “Heavenly”. Burning in the hot sun, getting drunk eternally, a game that never ends. Who would they play against? If the Cubs did win, then what? Eternity would come to an end. That has the signals of a tied game. And tied games are not fun when no winner can be declared. To be honest, without “Our Father” there, it would be hell.
Taking a look at HIS Kingdom:
In the Holy Bible the term heaven denotes, in the first place, the blue firmament, or the region of the clouds that pass along the sky. Genesis 1:20, speaks of the birds “under the firmament of heaven”. In other passages it denotes the region of the stars that shine in the sky. Furthermore heaven is spoken of as the dwelling of God; for, although God is omnipresent, He manifests Himself in a special manner in the light and grandeur of the firmament. Heaven also is the abode of the angels; for they are constantly with God and see His face. With God in heaven are likewise the souls of the just (2 Corinthians 5:1; Matthew 5:3, 12). In Ephesians 4:8 sq., we are told that Christ conducted to heaven the patriarchs who had been in limbo (limbus patrum). Thus the term heaven has come to designate both the happiness and the abode of just in the next life. The present article treats as heaven in this sense only.
In Holy Scripture it is called:
the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3),
the kingdom of God (Mark 9:46),
the kingdom of the Father (Matthew 13:43),
the kingdom of Christ (Luke 22:30),
the house of the Father (John 14:2),
city of God, the heavenly Jerusalem (Hebrews 12),
the holy place (Hebrews 9:12; D.V. holies),
paradise (2 Corinthians 12:4),
life (Matthew 7:14),
life everlasting (Matthew 19:16),
the joy of the Lord (Matthew 25:21),
crown of life (James 1:12),
crown of justice (2 Timothy 4:8),
crown of glory (1 Peter 5:4),
incorruptible crown (1 Corinthians 9:25),
great reward (Matthew 5:12),
inheritance of Christ (Ephesians 1:18),
eternal inheritance (Hebrews 9:15).
And from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
II. “THY KINGDOM COME”
2816 In the New Testament, the word basileia can be translated by “kingship” (abstract noun), “kingdom” (concrete noun) or “reign” (action noun). The Kingdom of God lies ahead of us. It is brought near in the Word incarnate, it is proclaimed throughout the whole Gospel, and it has come in Christ’s death and Resurrection. The Kingdom of God has been coming since the Last Supper and, in the Eucharist, it is in our midst. The kingdom will come in glory when Christ hands it over to his Father:It may even be . . . that the Kingdom of God means Christ himself, whom we daily desire to come, and whose coming we wish to be manifested quickly to us. For as he is our resurrection, since in him we rise, so he can also be understood as the Kingdom of God, for in him we shall reign.86
2817 This petition is “Marana tha,” the cry of the Spirit and the Bride: “Come, Lord Jesus.”
Even if it had not been prescribed to pray for the coming of the kingdom, we would willingly have brought forth this speech, eager to embrace our hope. In indignation the souls of the martyrs under the altar cry out to the Lord: “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell upon the earth?” For their retribution is ordained for the end of the world. Indeed as soon as possible, Lord, may your kingdom come!87
2818 In the Lord’s Prayer, “thy kingdom come” refers primarily to the final coming of the reign of God through Christ’s return.88 But, far from distracting the Church from her mission in this present world, this desire commits her to it all the more strongly. Since Pentecost, the coming of that Reign is the work of the Spirit of the Lord who “complete[s] his work on earth and brings us the fullness of grace.”89
2819 “The kingdom of God [is] righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”90 The end-time in which we live is the age of the outpouring of the Spirit. Ever since Pentecost, a decisive battle has been joined between “the flesh” and the Spirit.912820 By a discernment according to the Spirit, Christians have to distinguish between the growth of the Reign of God and the progress of the culture and society in which they are involved. This distinction is not a separation. Man’s vocation to eternal life does not suppress, but actually reinforces, his duty to put into action in this world the energies and means received from the Creator to serve justice and peace.93
2821 This petition is taken up and granted in the prayer of Jesus which is present and effective in the Eucharist; it bears its fruit in new life in keeping with the Beatitudes.94
I no longer envision “Heaven” as the eternal Cubs game. I never want to be separated from Him again. In going to confession regularly, attending mass, in many cases daily mass, and LIVING my Catholic Faith and truly SEEKING His kingdom, I can feel the peace although only at times, see His works in others until I can share in the fullness of it by leaving this world. My HOPE is that by becoming a “Free Agent”, placing myself, through my works, with the help of the Holy Spirit, prayers and love for Him, in his hands, I will one day be picked up by the “Angels”. Never to play for that other team again. Not to steel a line from one of my all time favorite movies but, If you “Build You Faith In HIM” He will come 🙂
I can’t help but ponder on, that a rather large amount of my friends lately, have been having very vivid and faith filled dreams, and in some cases, nightmares.. Some peaceful, some terrorizing them to the point of praying immediately upon waking from them.. I’m not sure if this is because I never hung around with this many faithful followers before, and this is all “Normal” or if something bigger is going on.
No, this is not an “End of the World” post as my words can not predict what our Lord has already said, that “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
I to have had such dreams. One being in the late 80’s, before my conversion back to the Catholic Church. A very apocalyptic dream, that was so vivid, I wont soon forget it. So much so, I wrote it down way back then and still have it today. It surviving many moves including one across country. Something inside me, just told me to hang on to it. I had spoken about it back then, and two hours to explain it, was the norm. One day soon, I will post it here to be read. I can only assume, it was a precursor to “My Apocalypse” or the death of the life I was leading at the time before my conversion.
On other occasions more recent, as recent as this year, I have woken up from some to horrible to speak about. Dreams that I woke from shaking, causing me not to roll over and wake my husband, but rather to RUN, in the middle of the night, to our 24 hour adoration chapel, and hug the tabernacle our Lord was in. Even if I was only there for a few moments, to pray. The shaking stopped and my fears diminished and I was able to return back home and to sleep again. Other times less terrorizing, where praying upon waking and just telling our Lord: “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in you”, caused my trembling and fear to melt away. I now teach my children to say this when they too wake up from a bad dream.
Two years ago, I had a dream that left me in a state of absolute peace, so much so, the feeling stayed with me for three days. It is a peace that is not describable. I was so sad when it left me, I didn’t want it to go away ever, but today hang on to those three days as a point to look to not only when I am down, but also when all is well. I can only say this peace must be that which is found in the arms of our Lord in heaven.
The Dream:
I was a baby bird, but knew I was human, in human form. I was naked but had just began to show plumage. I was in a nest made of twigs, but was SO comfortable, content and warm.. I was just waking, looking around and the nest was surrounded by BRIGHT warm light in hues of orange, yellow and white and I could see nothing but this light as far as I could see. As I tried to peak out of the nest, I was quickly covered by the wings of an angel. At first I was afraid to look at the angel, but I did, and seen His face was that of our Lord.
It was the most RESTFUL night of my life. It inspired me to write: “May God whisper in your ear, as Jesus plans your tomorrows, while you sleep under the wing of the Holy Spirit”.
EDIT TO ADD:
🙂 Have to add, I just read today’s Gospel and He says it all:
Gospel
Matthew 6:24-34
Jesus said to his disciples: ‘No one can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or treat the first with respect and the second with scorn. You cannot be the slave both of God and of money.
‘That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and how you are to clothe it. Surely life means more than food, and the body more than clothing! Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are we not worth much more than they are? Can any of you, for all his worrying, add one single cubit to his span of life? And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin; yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his regalia was robed like one of these. Now if that is how God clothes the grass in the field which is there today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will he not much more look after you, you men of little faith? So do not worry; do not say, “What are we to eat? What are we to drink? How are we to be clothed?” It is the pagans who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on his righteousness, and all these other things will be given you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.’
I don’t know what others dreams are or even most of mine, I can only wonder and ponder on the effects of having them. And at times question them and ask our Lord: What Lord do you need me to do with this?
Where do your dreams take you? How do they inspire you?
How can I, if I am a true follower of Christ, continue to focus on the hate others have for me rather then the love, mercy and forgiveness our Lord has for all of us? Just as He has forgiven me, and continues to do so daily, He also extends to all who seek Him.When we spend our time focusing on the hate others have, be it for us, or for others and mirror it to Jesus Christs mission, you can see a contradiction of what He asks of us. Imagine the entire mission of our Lord being spent in self pity rather then of self sacrifice. His entire message becomes lost and therefor so do we. We do not know if our enemies are in search of Him or not, with their hearts. We do know, Christ is in search of them.
This focus on others we have is born of fear for self, rather then loss of God, or “Fear of the Lord”. When we face the fears we have of others such as: I am not comfortable to extend a hand to those who I do not understand, who do not share my belief, who are of a different background, or fill in the blank. Along with those who truly are trying to kill us. In the particular case of the ones without a doubt, who ARE trying to kill us, we must STILL extend the spiritual hand by truly living the faith. We do not understand and can not comprehend what God’s plan for our enemies is, we do know His love for them is equal to the love he has for us and when we have a “Vision” of what WE want for God, in regards to our enemies, the door to self sacrifice can and will be opened. We have to ask OURSELVES, “Do I want my enemies to share in the eternal life with Christ? Or is my “Vision” for God in regards to my enemies eternal damnation?
If we do this, we must understand, our actions will spark the flame of the Holy Spirit in each and every human being, it is then up to us, to act on that flame, rather then extinguish it. Just as Saint Paul (Saul) before his conversion, believed he was doing the work of God, by rounding up ALL the Christians, to be executed, so are the enemies we face, not always in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. BUT we add to this misunderstanding by doing exactly as they do by NOT loving them and not trusting in our Lord enough to know, He is all seeing, all knowing and all merciful.. Feeding “Pride” rather then nurturing humility. Be it in our own homes, which I call the unknown enemy, or the known enemies seeking to destroy the entire fabric of our Christian faith. To read what our Lord expects of us, we can look to His “Sermon on the Mount” Matthew 5
We all want to live in peace. The problem is, our ideas of peace, are all different. We know when Christ returns, He will bring TRUE peace with Him, to all of us, together with our enemies, if we are ready or not. The key is to be ready.
“Hope, O my soul, hope. You know neither the day nor the hour. Watch carefully, for everything passes quickly, even though your impatience makes doubtful what is certain, and turns a very short time into a long one. Dream that the more you struggle, the more you prove the love that you bear your God, and the more you will rejoice one day with your Beloved, in a happiness and rapture that can never end.”
The first time I heard this song was the day I attended Sunday Mass, for the first time, WILLFULLY, alone, in over 18 years. I say willfully because I was raised in a Catholic home and even though we didn’t pray together, going to mass was mandatory. If you were living in my parents house, you got up every Sunday and went to mass. For a long time, when I was younger my older siblings, even if they didn’t live at home, they would show up at home with all their children, and we would go to mass together. For some reason, my siblings could no longer make it for mass but would come later for dinner. Later on in my teens, when I received my drivers license, it was up to me to make sure I attended mass and at that time, I became to “Cool” to go. I would stop in at church before mass, pick up the Church bulletin and then head off to hang out with my friends, or so shopping until I knew mass was over.
I had attended sporadically, here & there for weddings & funerals and a few baptisms, but never put forth the effort to attend Sunday Mass. I thought about going! But the thought faded as quickly as it came. On many occasions, the thought of going overpowered me and I was ashamed and remorseful for not attending. And that evil voice was always there to keep me away, telling me “Ah God will forgive ya! You don’t have to go. Look at your past. You went enough. Besides, you have Great Aunts & Uncles who died. They will put the good word in for ya”. Yeah. Right! Little did I know we are all Children of God, not Grandchildren or Great Niece & Nephews.
At the age of 33, or so, the Holy Spirit began to unravel the plastic bubble wrap world I had made for myself. I had always been miserable. I always wanted to “fit in” but I just didn’t fit anyplace for as long as I could remember. But that is a reflection for another day. God knows where I fit and he is telling me this now at the age of 44.
I cried during the mass so hard the first time I heard this song. I knew the Holy Spirit began to melt the ice from my heart and my tears were the proof of it. Every mass after that day I had attended, for the first few years, I couldn’t make it through without crying. I knew our Lord was speaking to me. As He still does to each and every one of us. This song didn’t even have to be played after that first Mass back. It hit me that hard. Now when I hear it, I am still moved to tears as it holds a very special place in my heart. Today, I get upset when I have to miss daily mass and couldn’t fathom missing mass on Sunday. I am His.
“But now, this is what the LORD says–he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
Almighty, everlasting God,
Who in Thy beloved Son,
King of the whole world,
hast willed to restore all things anew;
grant in Thy Mercy that all the families of nations,
rent asunder by the wound of sin,
may be subjected to His most gentle rule.
Who with Thee lives and reigns world without end.
Amen.
Psalms 103:1-2, 3-4, 8, 10, 12-13
1 [Of David] Bless Yahweh, my soul, from the depths of my being, his holy name;
2 bless Yahweh, my soul, never forget all his acts of kindness.
3 He forgives all your offences, cures all your diseases,
4 he redeems your life from the abyss, crowns you with faithful love and tenderness;
8 Yahweh is tenderness and pity, slow to anger and rich in faithful love;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve, nor repay us as befits our offences.
12 As the distance of east from west, so far from us does he put our faults.
13 As tenderly as a father treats his children, so Yahweh treats those who fear him;
Today’s Psalms bring me back to yesterdays post,
Washing The Kitchen Floor With The Holy Spirit
How we so often “Think” we know the vast love and mercy of our Lord, and when we ponder deeper, we quickly understand our “Thoughts” can never fully comprehend the gravity of His love, grace and mercy.
‘I tell you solemnly, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God come with power.’ Mark 9:1
Pondering…physical death? Or the death of the “worldly person” not reborn into the faith that should have been growing in each person, upon hearing Jesus speak and seeing His work first hand.. The second Jesus began his mission, the Kingdom of Heaven began to grow. The carpenter was now the Messiah, soon to be the King of the Jews, and for ever, the King of Glory. The Kingdom of Heaven on earth arrived the day of His birth. Just as the “Mustard Seed”, small at first, just a seed, which was planted, died and sprouted to bring forth “New Life”. Upon hearing Jesus and seeing the miracles, faith in Him should have began to grow.
I often think of St. Thomas the Apostle who even after the resurrected Christ appeared to the other apostles, refused to believe until he verified the resurrected Christ himself, by sticking his hand in the wounds of our Lord.
I also ponder this scripture in regards to the Scribes and the Pharisees. Most of them didn’t care what miracles Christ performed or how many were cured. They were to blinded by there own “Worldly” hate and jealousy to see anything but a threat. Jesus certainly was not the military leader THEY believe the Messiah should be. Someone else I would toss into this category is Judas Iscariot. What did Judas see before his own death? What almighty power was unleashed on him? Was he confronted face to face with the truth of Christ being the Son of God and could not cope knowing what he had done?
In pondering this scripture, I must keep in mind, the full Glory of God to come again!
How many times have we in our own lives, seen Jesus work with us, speak to us in our hearts and felt that absolute peace KNOWING He has helped us, did we go right back to worrying about how we were going to handle the next situation we ran across? If your like me, I bet that answer is most of the time.Forgetting like gnats what grace is given to us daily.
Peg Pondering Again 