Its been very interesting, to say the least, this Easter Week. I have once again been struggling with health issues and have finally been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.
A year ago, when it was time for me to step aside from all my duties at my old parish, I had told my pastor at that time, our Lord was calling me to go home. Our Lord was telling me to spend time with my children and family. I struggled so hard with that message. Now I feel He is telling me why. He has made Himself very visible in the last few weeks, although He has made Himself very visible in all aspects of my entire life, this time, it is as if He is tying everything together and everything I do, say, see and hear, I see He is there.
For close to 17 years, He has shown me through His grace, all that I had done to Him. Now, He is showing me all the things I have done for Him.
In my diagnosis, from Tuesday, I went from a diagnosis from having pneumonia and a possible Pulmonary Embolism, to entering into the ER and finding out about the fluid surrounding my heart and a little damage to the left side, although I had not had a heart attack. Thus I was given the diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure. Not having a Pulmonary Embolism or pneumonia at all. I actually laugh at how they did not know. How they try to shove you into some mold that everyone should fit, because of such & such. Don’t get me wrong, I forgive them, and I know my Lord is my true Doctor, and no two are ever carbon copies but what He created us to be.
What I need to say today is complete consolation from our Lord. Through this beautiful conversion of heart, with my Lord’s grace, I am pondering, relishing and digging into a vast well of joy. I am coming to grips with how He has used me and changed me, has forgiven me and truly loves me. Just as He loves each of us. I am surrounded by His arms.
I called my old pastor and he came to my home and anointed me and another good friend came and brought me our Lord in the Eucharist. Both visits, had nothing to do with me. Nor will anything else. It’s about everyone else. It’s about Him. It’s about time and we do not have much of it, and it all belongs to Him. Everything is His.
When my visitors left, I was looking around talking to our Lord. My eyes came to one wall in my living room. Immediately, I knew what He was telling me. That entire sinful world I created, I lived and turned away from, was completely contained while what He has done is now my freedom to fully enjoy. How did I see this? The picture above is that wall. It’s not was is on the wall, it’s what is now contained and no longer free. That cage on the table, contains a snake. A snake that my cat dragged in (sparking, Lion of Judah) that I tossed into a cage and sealed up. (It’s a long story and she was hurt) Symbolism people, don’t call anyone about animal cruelty. hahah
When I see the symbolism of the “snake” (my old sins and tormentor) and I see it now totally contained, no longer free, unable to escape and hurt me and I see the pictures of all that I love, free and everywhere, and I hear the words of our Lord in my heart, there is no more doubt, there is no more anxiety, there is no more questioning, there is only a major consolation from our Lord telling me, yes you did capture and get rid of what I needed you to get rid of. This is the heart of repenting. I don’t expect anyone to understand this because He is sharing this with me and to understand it, you would have to know every second of my life.. It truly has been Him and I hear Him saying, You did it! I say back to my Lord, You did it Lord.
Now on to this Last Mission. Nothing is about me. He told me to spend the rest of my time with my family, that is the mission I am on now. I love them so much and it is a matter of teaching them now, be not afraid. Live the faith, not the world. This is what Divine Mercy is all about. Not looking at the consolations our Lord is giving to us as mine, but to see them in yourself, to give to others.
Pax Domini
All glory and honor to God